My parents are my “safety net” although it’s pretty unlikely that I’d need them (but never say never).

Mike & Julie: I get where you’re coming from (and realized that mentioning spousal abuse would could lead to an emotionally charged post). Social support *IS* possible for an abuse survivor, just because the abuser tries to isolate them, it doesn’t mean we have to abandon them. If a friend or family told me they wanted me to drop dead and headed off into the sunset with an abusive spouse, I’d take them in in a heartbeat if they showed up 2 years later on my doorstep with a black eye.

And I’d welcome the abuser to follow them to my home. Things would get “interesting” (as concernedaboutlifeinsurance might say) at that point.

With modern economies and financial services, family and friends can (and do) support each other in different countries.

I don’t buy the “decreasing birthrate / increasing lifespan” argument as a reason for more government support. Having fewer people NEEDING help and longer (and healthier) working years would push in the opposite direction. I think both of us would be guessing at how these issues would impact the typical family.

Abusers intentionally isolate their partners from all outside forms of support: jobs, family and friends. They do this with the intention of leaving them nowhere else to go.

I also think that only being able to depend on friends or family is perilous; in a small town with a large factory closing, for example, many friends or family could all be simultaneously affected financially. Or at the other extreme, family members may be spread all over the country, having moved where the jobs were.

With birth rates steadily dropping, people have fewer independent family members to depend on, particularly as lifespans increase. Your sibling may be unable to assist you or take you in temporarily, as much as they’d like to, if they are already stretched trying to care for your ailing parents in their home. Of course, they would be in a better position to help you if state-supported elder care was sufficient…

To answer one of your questions:

My wife works as a court-advocate for domestic violence victims here in Chicago. From what she tells me, there are two primary reasons domestic violence victims seek shelter in temporary shelters (rather than going to stay with friends and family):

1) Sometimes, the victim is afraid that friends/family will side with the abuser rather than with her.

2) More frequently, the concern is simply that the abuser will know to look for her at, say, her sister’s house. So there’s not really a feeling of safety there. If the victim can make it into a shelter, the abuser won’t know where to find her.

Even though, I pray life doesn’t take any of us down this road, it is comforting to know in the back of your mind that there’s a place to go.